health

Synesthesia

~ oridnarythoughts ~ Leave a comment

” My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:15-16 (ESV)

The time had come when an MRI was ordered and then rescheduled sooner than later. I was truly grateful. I knew that it would unlock some of the mysteries of what was happening in my body. Never having had one before, one of the key questions asked of me was if I was claustrophobic. To my knowledge I was not and I really had no understanding why the question was being asked. As they laid me on the table and began to roll it into the chamber I understood, but I was not personally anxious about it. I was warned that it would be loud and was given headphones with soft music to play to help in the process. Even with the headphones and the earplugs, I could hear the machine doing its work. As I lay on the table listening to the various sound, my mind began to associate the sounds to colors, patterns and shapes. It doesn’t happen every time I hear noises or music but it does happen from time to time. For the longest time, I thought everyone had the same reactions. I was a full grown adult before, my musically inclined brother told me otherwise and he was quite surprised that I experienced synesthesia. It was also the conversation that helped me to understand why I enjoyed the re-digitized version of “Fantasia”* when it came out. The children would pop the video in and I would invariably have to stop what I was doing to watch it at least in part. So there I was, in an MRI chamber, enjoying the ride as visions of colors and patterns and shapes danced in my head. It relieved the pain I was feeling in my body and it chased away any thoughts of anxiety (if I were to have any).

As I lay there, the colors and patterns swirling in my brain, my thoughts also turned to the wonder of a machine that by magnetic waves, could locate issues in my body that x-rays and ultra-sounds could not. It reminded me that my Father in Heaven was also able to see everything within, not just my physical body, but the thoughts of my mind and the future of my soul. Furthermore, He knew me and saw all my days, even this one in an MRI chamber before I was even born. Once again, I found great comfort in this go-to Scripture that has carried me through many a day where I doubted, wondered and underestimated the worth of my life. Once again, I found myself in awe and wonder of a great God who created me just as I am, created scientists and doctors who created technical machinery to help them see what is hidden from all other means of looking and ordered my days to experience it all.

I had two rounds in the MRI chamber to look at two different parts of my body. When I was rolled in the second time, I wondered if the colors and patterns would continue. They did. When it was all finished the technician was helping me off the table. She said, you did really well. I decided to tell her what the noises did in my brain with colors and patterns. She seemed genuinely surprised. Once again, I was reminded that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14a). I also had the assurance of knowing that in that chamber God pulled back the curtain for a doctor to see what was really going on inside my body and thus, the process of healing can begin.

* “Fantasia” is an animated musical anthology movie originally produced by Walt Disney Productions that combined classical music, technicolor patterns and shapes that moved to the music and was narrated by Mickey Mouse. It was first released in 1940.

Since the Last Time

~ oridnarythoughts ~ Leave a comment

“He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear.” Mark 4:27-28 (ESV)

Since the last time I wrote here, I came down with a rather full upper respiratory infection (URI) that impacted everything from my ears and sinuses to my lungs. This was on top of a minor hip inflammatory issue that already had me slowing down quite a bit. It was not the way I had hoped to spend my Valentines weekend or the remainder of the month. But I settled in for the ride. I’ve learned to do that as I get older, and maybe a little wiser.

The first day I really began to feel bad, I was home by myself for quite awhile. I decided to just sit in the bed in quietness, no TV, no radio, no noise. I watched the daylight fade on the wall in front of me. I dozed off from time to time, but the congestion and the coughing would wake me up, so I would sit up feeling every symptom but also listening for the Spirit to speak. As the day turned to night, the Spirit began to be what He is the most, a Comforter (John 14:15-17). In those quiet moments, I understood the necessity of the time not only for my body to fully heal and be restored of things I didn’t even know had invaded it, but also to be fully healed and restored from a stockpile of feelings of hurt, rejection and toxic relationships that I had neatly tucked away. The following days included a trip to an urgent care, taking lots of medicine, sleeping, reading Scriptures, meditating, journaling, anything that could be done from the comfort of my bed. As I regained my strength, I slowly entered back into my routines. I am still not fully in all the routines I was in and I am not sure I need to be either.

One morning, when the sun was warm, and I felt the need to be outside, I took a slow stroll around the neighborhood. It’s that time of year for the yellow jasmine to begin peeking out of the dreary woods. Instead, I came upon this bush. Out of the brown earth and pine straw, the spindly limbs were reaching up and out. Then I saw it; the tiny little buds of leaves just beginning to pop out of their shells. The first buds of spring, delighted my heart. While I was sleeping and rising, life was renewing around me. While I was sleeping and rising, I was being renewed. Since the last time I wrote here, while I was sleeping and rising, life was moving along. While I was sleeping and rising, God spawned a new season of growth in my life that is just like the tiny buds on the bush that are just beginning to peep out in m world. Though my body was still ejecting the residual congestion (the brown ground), new growth was springing out. It’s springing out with fresh ideas and directions to take. It’s springing out with a renewed connection with the Lord. As I begin to be fully restored, the ear will follow and eventually the full grain. But for now, I am delighting in this moment.