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It’s Hard to See the Ground When You Are in the Trench

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If you have raced with runners and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses? And if you trust in a safe land, how will you fare in the thickets of the Jordan? Jer. 12:5 (NRSVue)

Sometimes, it seems like we work and work, try and try and nothing seems to be getting done, nothing is changing. Whether it’s meeting a goal like saving money or losing weight or even a greater mission like finishing school, completing a major work project to launching a new business or fulfilling a ministry calling, there are and there will be days like this. The excitement and promise of beginning fades away, the daily tasks of just getting it done can begin to overwhelm us and the end seems no where in sight. How easily we can lose track of the proverbial forest when we are daily wandering around the trees.

This was Jeremiah’s complaint. Jeremiah was given the monumental task of prophetic ministry to a stubborn people who refused to believe that God would allow any sort of calamity on their lives, simply because they were God’s Chosen. Chapter 1 of the book opens with the call and the direction of Jeremiah’s life but by the time we get to Chapter 12, Jeremiah’s words have been ignored and his life threatened. Now he turns to God and complains about the apparent unproductivity of the ministry. God in turn responds, to remind Jeremiah that what he has been dealing with is nothing compared to what is to come, but that God is with Jeremiah every step of the way. This would be the first complaint in the book. A second one will be given in Chapter 15 and God reassures Jeremiah once more. The final complaint occurs in Chapter 20 in which Jeremiah basically accuses of God of misleading him in this journey. It is in verse 9 Jeremiah says, “If I say, “I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,” then within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.” (NRSVue) Interestingly, God never responds to this last complaint and Jeremiah never complains again even though he would endure even harder persecution and pain in the ministry. Apparently, Jeremiah came to the place of absolute resolve to see the ministry through even when it seemed like he was in a trench and could not see the ground. In fact there would be a time he would be placed in a pit and left for dead, but God rescued him. Everything God told Jeremiah would happen in his lifetime, happened and so at some point it seems Jeremiah saw the proverbial forest instead of the trees.

I think I have been a bit in a trench lately. Personal goals have not been met and the day-to-day demands of ministry take away from what I perceive to be the greater calling and mission God called me to do. I find myself asking the question, “Is this all there is?” I love that God gives me space to ask the question and He gives me room to find the answers, much as He did for Jeremiah. He gives me space when I express my pain and disappointment, then gently reminds me that I’ve come too far with some of my goals to turn around now. He gives me space when I press through commitments and then gives me a fresh idea that further develops the gifts within. He gives me space when I am walking along the road, wallowing in my self-pity and lets a beautiful and rarely seen blue bird fly by. He gives me space when I am in the trenches of life and ministry and lets me look up to see the Spring flowers and breathe the fresh Spring air above me. He gives me space to rediscover Jeremiah and then gives me the courage to write these words of confession. Yes, I have been in a trench and it is hard to see the ground above sometimes, but like Jeremiah, the things of God are like a fire in my bones. If I tried to stop now, I would surely burst open trying to keep my mouth shut and my hands still. And so I find myself committed to the cause and the goals while I sense God above is quietly smiling knowing there is nothing more that needs to be said.

Lord, thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You for always being with me in trenches and above ground. Thank You for loving me so tenderly and sweetly. Please forgive my fits of self-pity and strengthen me for the journey as I learn each day to trust You even more than before. Amen.

Touching the Stones

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So Joseph made the Israelites swear saying, “When God comes to you, you shall carry up my bones from here.” Genesis 50:25 (NRSVue)

Photo by Mike Bird on Pexels.com

There I stood in the heat of a hot Texas day, standing on a parched plot of grass, reading the headstones of ancestors I vaguely heard about, often with a tone of scorn. I went looking for my grandparents’ graves and discovered they were in a plot of many others whom had forged a way in the Texas wilderness in the 1800’s and made it their home. Among them were my great grandfather, great grandmother, a great great grandmother along with other relatives. I was told that they were missionaries many of them and indeed, I found stones of those who were either ministers or founding fathers of the local church, the one my grandparents were a part of and the one my own father grew up in but departed as soon as he reached adulthood. Also nestled in a plot in front of my grandparents’ was a small headstone with a lamb on the top. I quickly realized that this was the baby girl I was told was a still birth. The headstone told me something else. She had lived three short days and she had a name. No one mentioned this in my growing up. She was a blip in the family history that was rarely talked about. I confirmed later from my aunt, that she also did not know about the grave until she was an adult. She discovered it while helping my grandmother clean the plot. Even then, some thirty years later, my grandmother was unable to talk about her grief and pain in that moment. Apparently she took it to her own grave, a story untold.

As I stood there, surveying the plot, taking in the history that was before me etched into each one of those headstones, I found a spiritual root I did not know I had been disconnected from. While I heard about these ancestors, they were stories disconnected from my own reality in which church was not the norm and often referred to in only the most negative of terms. I don’t know why that was and the ones who would know are all gone now. So when I embarked on my own spiritual journey, later becoming a minister and pastor in my denomination, I felt like I was the odd one, the one out in left field that no one comprehended or understood. Now I was standing on the holy ground of my ancestors. Their faith seemed to be rising up from the ground to meet me and greet me. I was compelled to touch their stones and receive their blessings towards me. It was a surreal experience, difficult for me to convey, but powerful just the same. While we may have had or have differing theological views, I still knew I was among my people, a people of faith in the same God and Savior. Touching their stones not only was a confirmation and affirmation of my own faith walk, it felt like a transference from generation to generation even though there were a few skips in the generations.

Joseph seemed to know the importance of this transference. In the closing sentences of Genesis, his life was coming to an end. He had been born in the Promised Land, but spent the majority of his life in Egypt. He could foresee the enslavement that would happen to his people but he also saw the day when God would deliver them from that captivity. He insisted, made the people swear to him, that when God would show up and deliver them from Egypt, his bones were to be transferred back to the Promised Land. His faith was firmly rooted in the God of Israel, even though he served well under Egyptian authorities. Joseph inherently knew that there would be a time when generations beyond him would need to touch the stones of his faith and carry it forward. Indeed, Exodus 13:19 details that the bones in his coffin, (the same Hebrew word for the Ark of the Covenant), were taken out in the great Exodus. Joshua 24:32 tells us the mission was completed as Joseph’s bones were buried in Shechem, a parcel of ground purchased by his father Jacob, hundreds of years beforehand. The Israelites now had a tangible memorial they could see and touch to remind them that they were the people of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, God’s chosen people, living in the Promised Land. While the certainty and accuracy of that tomb is not clear today, there is a place that is designated as Joseph’s tomb that some still make a pilgrimage to, perhaps to reconnect with their faith.

Graveyards are a place where we can reconnect with our loved ones through memories. They hold the history of communities and families. Touching the tombstones gives us a tangible connection with our own past. They can be reminders of the ancestry we come from that helped to form who we are today as we create legacies for the future generations to come. How can one know where they are going, unless they know from where they came? I knew I came from generations of people who courageously stepped out on faith to find a better life in a new country and a new territory. I knew that my ancestors were creative, intellectual and hard-working. I knew that they had a faith in God, but it was when I touched the stones that marked their graves, that I knew my faith did not just appear out of thin air, it was flowing through my veins all along, I just didn’t realize it. By faith, they were praying for another generation to carry their love of God a little farther into the world, and on that hot, dusty day in Texas, their prayers had been answered.