I have added to my exercise routine a rowing machine.  For the body’s optimal benefit, one must learn a rhythm of pulling and returning in a fluid motion that neither strains the back or the legs.  It is part of a larger workout.  When I am doing my workout, I have been playing a mix playlist of pop, gospel, R&B and jazz music to keep me motivated.  As I am working out, I am listening for that bass beat, that underlying rhythm upon which all the melodies, instrumentals and vocals are built upon.  It is when I am on the rowing machine and listening, I can close my eyes and feel that rhythm of music and the pull/return of the machine and I find myself contemplating on the rhythms of life God has given us.

As a pastor, I have many pastor friends and invariably we have discussions of feeling depleted, tired and worn out.  It comes with the territory.  I find that IF someone has decided to put a day in place for their rest, it is usually after the weekend on Mondays or Tuesdays when their bodies just can’t go any further.  I too have tried that, but earlier this year, I still felt so depleted and I could not figure out why.  I thought maybe it had been the added pressure of doctor appointments and physical therapy.  Then, I received my Bible Study subscription on Resting in the Lord.  As I read the texts about Sabbath and how it was a gift from God and a pattern of work and rest, I began to see the cause of my depletion.  I was never taking a full day of rest from my labors.

I quickly, began to pray and look at my calendar and my activities.  I remembered a time past when I developed a schedule of having all my school work done by Friday night and then doing my best to rest on Saturday’s.  I was still doing work on Saturdays so it was never a complete Sabbath rest.  Sundays are out of the question because I have to preach and care for a congregation.  When I retired from secular work, I thought it would all fall in place, but here I was a couple years into retirement, and still I was depleted.

As I continued with my Study, I felt the Spirit tugging me to examine my weekly routine to determine where I could put the rhythm of Sabbath in place.  Clearly after Sundays was not working.  But how could I manage any other day?  That is when He led me to rearrange my schedule so that the rhythm of Sabbath fell before Sundays.  After all, the Bible does not say only on Sunday or Saturday, but it says six days of labor (whatever that looks like) and one day of rest.  The rhythm became clear to me.  I also realized that for the rhythm to work I had to work on developing a plan that planned for Sabbath, just like I had to learn how to pull/return in rhythm with that rowing machine.  I felt my hand opening up to receive the gift God gave humanity eons ago and for the first time in years, I was experiencing what it truly means to rest from my labor, to rest in His grace.

I am still relatively fresh on this journey, but the benefits have been too fruitful to return to the old way that left me depleted and tired.  The rhythm of Sabbath has now become that irresistible bass beat of life upon which all other melodies, instrumentals and vocals are built upon, that pull/return that allows me to close my eyes and let God lead the way.

Years ago, I was introduced to a book called “The Celebration of Discipline” by Richard Foster.  In my early walk of ministry, it opened a door of understanding of how to live in a manner that would honor God and prepare me also for the work He called me to do.  It was later confirmed while I was attending classes to prepare me for the ministry in my denomination.  The instructor was a retired Marine and a pastor.  For many in the session he taught, it sounded like he was adding a hard task on us as only a Marine could do, but for me it was that bright moment of affirmation and confirmation that the journey I had just embarked on was a real thing that mattered in the progress and growth of a brand new minister.  I was delighted for the instructions.

Spiritual Disciplines or Means of Grace is not a new thing; however, I find that many modern Christians are not instructed well on these things and limit their disciplines to Bible Study, prayer, worship and maybe fasting.  I am drawn to all of these, but I don’t know where I would be without the other disciplines of meditation, solitude, service and so many more.

Spring is trying to peep out its head here in coastal South Carolina and one of the tell-tale signs is the lush blooming of azalea bushes everywhere.  I was walking one morning not too long ago and passed by one such lush plant, but instead of the deep hues of pink, magenta or coral this one was full of pure white blooms and as I gazed upon it, the word simplicity popped into my brain.

Few realize that this is also a spiritual discipline, to eliminate the internal and external distractions of life to put all our focus on God.  This is also Lenten season for me, a time of reflection, prayer, confession and seeking God.  My practices are kept a secret between God and me, but I can say that I have moved beyond giving up sweets and chocolates and calling that a fast.  However, Matthew 6 – 7 are some of my go-to texts in this season.  The Sermon on the Mount is Jesus breaking down how to live a Christian life in the simplest of terms and yet sometimes they are also the most shocking for modern minds to receive.  The text above is part of those teachings that remind us about how we live.  The treasures can be so much more than material things and possessions, but it is the relationships, the positions, the status and approvals we seek from this world.  These treasures can cause us to be entangled in so many things that draw us farther from God.  Jesus is reminding us to examine those things and to put our house and our minds in the correct order.  In other words, remove the distractions and put our focus on God.  This is the heart of what the discipline of simplicity is.

As a woman who is actively involved in family, church and community, my life quickly fills up with distractions, tasks, to-do lists etc.  I believe God put the white azalea bush in my line of vision to remind me that sometimes I need to pare back on things, commitments and most of all myself so that I can see Him more clearly, hear His Spirit more concisely and follow Him more closely.  What better season to start than Spring and Lent together. 

It is that time of year again, when slowly life begins to bloom again. One of the first blooms in my yard is the Japanese Magnolia, which has the unique quality of blooming before it buds the first leaf. In the dreariness of late February when it seems like winter will never end this plant dresses up my yard. The grass is still brown, most days the skies are still gray and even when it is unseasonably warm, the atmosphere still looks like Winter. When I see it blooming, I am reminded of the verses above.

There was a time in my life when I worried a lot. I worried about bills, relationships, and the unknown possibilities that life can throw our way. I was really good at worrying. I could tie my stomach up in anxiety knots, lose sleep and I would generally let my imagination run wild. When I discovered this jewel of biblical text about worrying, it truly set me free. It didn’t happen overnight. No, I had to intentionally rehearse the verses in my head whenever something would lead me down the worry trail. I had to learn what it meant to seek God first and his righteousness and apply it to my life. Over time I worried less and trusted God more.

Generally speaking, I am not a worrier any more. I do get concerned about things that are out of my control or the changes happening in my life that I am unsure of what the outcome will be, but I don’t classify myself as worried. The past few months have had its share of situations that disrupted some things in my life. I’ve had far more doctor visits and tests and other things happening than I am used to experiencing, that many people say just comes with age. There has been an uptick of violence in my community and within the church community that has to some degree touched me personally. Then there is always the uncertainty of what tomorrow holds. All of these things have concerned me, so when I drove into my yard one day not too long ago and saw the beauty of the Japanese Magnolia budding out, I received a gentle nudge and reminder that the same God who causes this plant to bloom every year is the same God who is holding me and the whole world in His hands.

This is what Jesus was saying when he taught the people. He was in the Sermon on the Mount event, expounding on the many ways that God’s take on the day-to-day transactions of our lives is in many ways flipped over from what human and cultural norms expect. Specifically, he had just spoken about not becoming overly attached to material goods (v.19-21), how an unhealthy view of things can lead us into darkness (v.22-23) and the difficulty of serving two masters (v.24). This portion about worrying (v.25-34) emphasizes the vanity and stress of overly concerning ourselves with basic needs. The God who cares for birds and flowers will have an even greater concern for caring for humanity. Instead, Jesus says to turn our focus on the things of God, the care of our souls and everything else will follow. It brings me great comfort to look at things through this lens. It is what drives me to insist that churches not worry about finances over worship, especially when planning a church event. I whole heartedly believe that when we put our focus on how the event will bless God and bless others, the finances will follow. More importantly, the people’s minds are now turned towards God who is able to abundantly provide everything we need. Invariably, God provides.

This is not a laissez faire attitude, in which one is saying whatever will be, will be. Instead to truly adopt these verses and apply them to our tendency to worry, we must seek God first. Seek Him in prayer, in His word, in the multitude of ways that He can present Himself to us, in songs, the Holy Spirit and even in the simple things of life like a Japanese Magnolia in bloom on a dreary late-winter day.

Some times the journey of life is challenging and for me lately, it has been a series of small bumps in the road that have had me weary and tired. It culminated one day last week after I experienced a wonderful, thought-provoking and inspiring event. It also brought me to a place of contemplating the meaning and purpose of the ministry God placed me in. I don’t question that God called me to the ministry, but honestly , there are times when I wonder if the ministry is what God intended it to be and if I am being what God intended me to be. The next day, I pulled out my “God journal” the one in which I speak to Him and His Spirit speaks through the pen to me. I put it all out there with tears to decorate the pages. I waited patiently for the answer and the answer came but not in an earth-shattering, enlightened manner that laid out God’s big picture for me as I had hoped God would do. Instead, the answer was a step-by-step set of instructions for me, much like God’s answer to Elijah after experiencing fear and defeat of spirit in the wilderness. The instructions were to put some things in my life in order and to keep doing the daily tasks that get things done. There was also the reminder to keep a Sabbath day before the Sunday rotations of sermons and services.

I love this story in the Old Testament because it speaks volumes about how God uses his people to accomplish His will and how so often we fail to see the big and grand scheme of things in God’s eyes. Elijah was probably exhausted after the showdown with the prophets of Baal and discouraged that the showdown did nothing to turn the heart of Ahab and Jezebel. Instead, he was running for his life, and instead of being executed by Jezebel, Elijah made the request to just die where he was, for God to take him out of his misery. Elijah’s journey with God was not over yet, but before God could give him the rest of the map for his life, he had to get Elijah in a place where he could truly hear what God had to say, thus the forty day journey through the desert, a night spent in a cave and then the encounter at the mouth of the cave. God would question Elijah’s reasoning for being there. Then He sent a windstorm, an earthquake and a fire. Yet God’s voice came after that, a soft whisper, that would lay out the rest of Elijah’s ministry journey.

I too, was exhausted from a variety of challenges that seemed to have nothing to do with anything except run me in circles, and while the event I attended was inspiring it also brought front and center just how small I feel sometimes in the ministry. God’s answer was to put me on a path of seemingly mundane tasks. I recognize they are preparing me to hear Him more clearly. Add to these tasks, the admonition of keeping a day set apart for resting in God and celebrating His good gifts towards me and now the beginning of Lent season in which my personal practice this season is intentionally meant to draw me even closer in towards God, I recognize that God is setting me up for a moment for His small whisper to come and guide me along the next mile of the way.

So I am getting up from the moment of self-pity I indulged in, following the instructions, waiting patiently on God and continuing on my journey. I don’t know what lies around the corner, I don’t know exactly where it is going but I do know that the God who provided for Elijah in his wilderness experience, will provide all I need to go the next mile of the way because My Journey Is Not Over.

“Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also those of wood and clay; some for honorable use and some for dishonorable. So if anyone purifies himself from anything dishonorable, he will be a special instrument, set apart, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.” 2 Tim. 2:20-21 (CSB)

Instead, what Paul is describing is the fact that some vessels were ordinary, made of clay or wood while others were made of finer materials like silver or gold and considered special. Think of it like the fine china that one keeps in a cabinet for special occasions. No one would pull it down to use it without first, at least, rinsing any dust that may have accumulated. Now, I like to use my china for family dinners and when I do, someone invariably says that is not necessary or that I should have used disposable dinnerware instead. My thinking is that I want to make the occasion memorable and special for those who are at the table. I don’t do it every day but for some dinners. I keep my china set aside for just this purpose.

Now in Paul’s analogy, he is making the point that when we consecrate ourselves to God and remove ourselves from the ordinary and often vain activities surrounding us, we are effectively “rinsing the china” and preparing our ordinary lives to be extraordinary vessels that will glorify God in our service, actions and words. It was not the first time Paul would refer to ministry in this way. In 2 Cor. 4:7 he said, “Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us.” Paul seemed to understand that God takes special delight in the lowly and ordinary things to show off His power and glory. After all, God chose two old people beyond child-bearing age to bring forth the seed of the Covenant, He plucked a dirty shepherd boy out of the field to be the king of Israel and His own Son was born in a stable with a feeding trough for a cradle. The common thread in all of these were that the people God chose to use for His glory were all considered to be rather ordinary people but they had faith in God.

So how do a row of flower pots bring all this up in my mind? Right now, they are empty, set apart and waiting for the gardener to come by and rework the soil, pot new plants, water and care for them. Right now, they look quite plain almost useless. In the height of summer they will be overflowing with flowers and plants that will brighten the wall they are sitting in front of to the point that one will not even be able to see the wooden bench they are sitting on. The truth is that ministry is very humbling and a lot of the time, it feels a lot like these pots look. I am reminded that in these moments of feeling quite empty and ordinary, God is at work, preparing me to be a special vessel, useful to God and His good work in me and through me.

Typically, the period between Thanksgiving and New Years are set aside in my mind to rest, to contemplate and discern God’s next steps in my life. With all that happened this past season, going to and fro with various appointments, plus commitments, I did not have that quiet experience I look forward to every year. It has been anything but that. At one point, as I was waiting in a doctor’s office for a follow-up from my own wellness check up, I had a longing for recovery. Not just physical, but recovery in every area of my life. When I go to physical therapy, I see others with far more debilitating conditions working on their recovery, one small step at a time. I am thankful for my own condition not being as debilitating and I remind myself that I too have to take things one small step at a time to recover my strength and mobility. I look around at nature in the depths of the winter season and I realize, that creation is in recovery mode also, waiting for the next season of growth. I am realizing that my recovery will come but it requires a period of waiting. In that waiting period, I am being strengthened for my next season of growth and suddenly I can see clearly why I have been placed in so many waiting situations. God is teaching me the valuable lesson of waiting on Him!

“And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.” 1 Kings 19:11-12 (KJV)

“While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. Then she gave birth to her firstborn son, and she wrapped him tightly in cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.” Luke 2:6-7 (CSB)

I typically get my house decorated for Christmas about three weeks ahead of time. I enjoy hearing Christmas music, but not too much. I always hope for snow, but in SC that is not a reasonable wish. I definitely do not like it to be near 80 degrees either. It is not uncommon for me to be wrapping presents and putting the finishing touches on holiday baking up into the evening on Christmas Eve. But this year has been different. I had the house dressed and ready before December 1, but I had an insatiable urge to mix things up, try new things. All the gifts are wrapped and under the tree before Christmas Eve. The only things to bake are those items that are best baked fresh. I have been playing Christmas playlists all month long and even as I compose this posting, I have been tuned into a Christmas jazz channel that is playing a mix of old and new and some songs I never heard before. It is also one of the coldest days on record for a large majority of the nation. And unlike the usual hub-bub rush I usually feel, there is a calm peace and opportunity for me to do some personal review and inventory. This, despite it having been a crazy month of health issues for my husband and me, a host of obligations and all the usual busy-ness of the holiday season, lets me know that not only is this no ordinary night, it is also no ordinary Christmas. I don’t know why nor do I have any expectations, I just feel something different is happening.

Imagine that first Christmas Eve night if you will. Mary, made the trip to Bethlehem out of obligation while far along in her pregnancy. Imagine the anxiety that may have been building up when it became apparent that the usual arrangements that would have been made in her day all fell through while the birth pains were beginning to rack her body. Any place was better than the wide open space and the protection of a stable cave was better than nothing. Imagine the fear of the shepherds who were having an ordinary night in the pasture when it was suddenly lit up by a choir of angels singing and directing them to go to Bethlehem and see the savior that was born. Now consider this, Jesus came into this world like any other ordinary baby but this was no ordinary baby. This was God made flesh, the Lord, the King of Kings and while He was born on an ordinary night, this was no ordinary night.

Later in Luke 2, it is said that “Mary was treasuring up all these things in her heart and meditating on them.”(v.19). What this tells me is that Mary was taking some time to consider the events, piecing together all the little things that at the time seemed quite ordinary but somehow extraordinary. You know, those times when we step back from the situations we are in and consider how the signs were all there, but in the moment, things that transpired were a little out of the ordinary but not so much that we would make special note of them until after the fact. In that moment we realize and Mary realized that it was no ordinary night and this was not an ordinary baby. Indeed, this was the night that salvation came to the world!

I am not sure what or why it is, but I trust that I will know at the right time why this holiday season has been a little bit different for me . I am choosing this Christmas Eve to do as Mary, ponder and meditate on these things and enjoy the wonder, beauty and awe of yet another season.

This has been a long time in the works, but now it’s a reality. For years, I lived in a “shadowy” place of self-doubt and low self-esteem. There came a day when, enough was enough and I began the journey towards my purpose and destiny. This book takes you on the journey with me and encourages the reader to find their own path from the “shadows” to the “light” by self-identifying what I call defining moments that shape the way one thinks about self. With suggested practice of spiritual, physical and mental disciplines, I encourage the reader to begin shaping their own journey of discovering and moving towards their purpose and destiny in life. I believe this book was guided by God’s hand and will encourage the young and old, male and female, believer and non-believer alike.

It is available at all major book seller sites both as an e-book or a hard copy. Below is the link from the publishing house that put thoughts and dreams into a tangible product.

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/living-in-the-shadow-of-myself