It is that time of year again, when slowly life begins to bloom again. One of the first blooms in my yard is the Japanese Magnolia, which has the unique quality of blooming before it buds the first leaf. In the dreariness of late February when it seems like winter will never end this plant dresses up my yard. The grass is still brown, most days the skies are still gray and even when it is unseasonably warm, the atmosphere still looks like Winter. When I see it blooming, I am reminded of the verses above.

There was a time in my life when I worried a lot. I worried about bills, relationships, and the unknown possibilities that life can throw our way. I was really good at worrying. I could tie my stomach up in anxiety knots, lose sleep and I would generally let my imagination run wild. When I discovered this jewel of biblical text about worrying, it truly set me free. It didn’t happen overnight. No, I had to intentionally rehearse the verses in my head whenever something would lead me down the worry trail. I had to learn what it meant to seek God first and his righteousness and apply it to my life. Over time I worried less and trusted God more.

Generally speaking, I am not a worrier any more. I do get concerned about things that are out of my control or the changes happening in my life that I am unsure of what the outcome will be, but I don’t classify myself as worried. The past few months have had its share of situations that disrupted some things in my life. I’ve had far more doctor visits and tests and other things happening than I am used to experiencing, that many people say just comes with age. There has been an uptick of violence in my community and within the church community that has to some degree touched me personally. Then there is always the uncertainty of what tomorrow holds. All of these things have concerned me, so when I drove into my yard one day not too long ago and saw the beauty of the Japanese Magnolia budding out, I received a gentle nudge and reminder that the same God who causes this plant to bloom every year is the same God who is holding me and the whole world in His hands.

This is what Jesus was saying when he taught the people. He was in the Sermon on the Mount event, expounding on the many ways that God’s take on the day-to-day transactions of our lives is in many ways flipped over from what human and cultural norms expect. Specifically, he had just spoken about not becoming overly attached to material goods (v.19-21), how an unhealthy view of things can lead us into darkness (v.22-23) and the difficulty of serving two masters (v.24). This portion about worrying (v.25-34) emphasizes the vanity and stress of overly concerning ourselves with basic needs. The God who cares for birds and flowers will have an even greater concern for caring for humanity. Instead, Jesus says to turn our focus on the things of God, the care of our souls and everything else will follow. It brings me great comfort to look at things through this lens. It is what drives me to insist that churches not worry about finances over worship, especially when planning a church event. I whole heartedly believe that when we put our focus on how the event will bless God and bless others, the finances will follow. More importantly, the people’s minds are now turned towards God who is able to abundantly provide everything we need. Invariably, God provides.

This is not a laissez faire attitude, in which one is saying whatever will be, will be. Instead to truly adopt these verses and apply them to our tendency to worry, we must seek God first. Seek Him in prayer, in His word, in the multitude of ways that He can present Himself to us, in songs, the Holy Spirit and even in the simple things of life like a Japanese Magnolia in bloom on a dreary late-winter day.

Some times the journey of life is challenging and for me lately, it has been a series of small bumps in the road that have had me weary and tired. It culminated one day last week after I experienced a wonderful, thought-provoking and inspiring event. It also brought me to a place of contemplating the meaning and purpose of the ministry God placed me in. I don’t question that God called me to the ministry, but honestly , there are times when I wonder if the ministry is what God intended it to be and if I am being what God intended me to be. The next day, I pulled out my “God journal” the one in which I speak to Him and His Spirit speaks through the pen to me. I put it all out there with tears to decorate the pages. I waited patiently for the answer and the answer came but not in an earth-shattering, enlightened manner that laid out God’s big picture for me as I had hoped God would do. Instead, the answer was a step-by-step set of instructions for me, much like God’s answer to Elijah after experiencing fear and defeat of spirit in the wilderness. The instructions were to put some things in my life in order and to keep doing the daily tasks that get things done. There was also the reminder to keep a Sabbath day before the Sunday rotations of sermons and services.

I love this story in the Old Testament because it speaks volumes about how God uses his people to accomplish His will and how so often we fail to see the big and grand scheme of things in God’s eyes. Elijah was probably exhausted after the showdown with the prophets of Baal and discouraged that the showdown did nothing to turn the heart of Ahab and Jezebel. Instead, he was running for his life, and instead of being executed by Jezebel, Elijah made the request to just die where he was, for God to take him out of his misery. Elijah’s journey with God was not over yet, but before God could give him the rest of the map for his life, he had to get Elijah in a place where he could truly hear what God had to say, thus the forty day journey through the desert, a night spent in a cave and then the encounter at the mouth of the cave. God would question Elijah’s reasoning for being there. Then He sent a windstorm, an earthquake and a fire. Yet God’s voice came after that, a soft whisper, that would lay out the rest of Elijah’s ministry journey.

I too, was exhausted from a variety of challenges that seemed to have nothing to do with anything except run me in circles, and while the event I attended was inspiring it also brought front and center just how small I feel sometimes in the ministry. God’s answer was to put me on a path of seemingly mundane tasks. I recognize they are preparing me to hear Him more clearly. Add to these tasks, the admonition of keeping a day set apart for resting in God and celebrating His good gifts towards me and now the beginning of Lent season in which my personal practice this season is intentionally meant to draw me even closer in towards God, I recognize that God is setting me up for a moment for His small whisper to come and guide me along the next mile of the way.

So I am getting up from the moment of self-pity I indulged in, following the instructions, waiting patiently on God and continuing on my journey. I don’t know what lies around the corner, I don’t know exactly where it is going but I do know that the God who provided for Elijah in his wilderness experience, will provide all I need to go the next mile of the way because My Journey Is Not Over.

“Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also those of wood and clay; some for honorable use and some for dishonorable. So if anyone purifies himself from anything dishonorable, he will be a special instrument, set apart, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.” 2 Tim. 2:20-21 (CSB)

Instead, what Paul is describing is the fact that some vessels were ordinary, made of clay or wood while others were made of finer materials like silver or gold and considered special. Think of it like the fine china that one keeps in a cabinet for special occasions. No one would pull it down to use it without first, at least, rinsing any dust that may have accumulated. Now, I like to use my china for family dinners and when I do, someone invariably says that is not necessary or that I should have used disposable dinnerware instead. My thinking is that I want to make the occasion memorable and special for those who are at the table. I don’t do it every day but for some dinners. I keep my china set aside for just this purpose.

Now in Paul’s analogy, he is making the point that when we consecrate ourselves to God and remove ourselves from the ordinary and often vain activities surrounding us, we are effectively “rinsing the china” and preparing our ordinary lives to be extraordinary vessels that will glorify God in our service, actions and words. It was not the first time Paul would refer to ministry in this way. In 2 Cor. 4:7 he said, “Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us.” Paul seemed to understand that God takes special delight in the lowly and ordinary things to show off His power and glory. After all, God chose two old people beyond child-bearing age to bring forth the seed of the Covenant, He plucked a dirty shepherd boy out of the field to be the king of Israel and His own Son was born in a stable with a feeding trough for a cradle. The common thread in all of these were that the people God chose to use for His glory were all considered to be rather ordinary people but they had faith in God.

So how do a row of flower pots bring all this up in my mind? Right now, they are empty, set apart and waiting for the gardener to come by and rework the soil, pot new plants, water and care for them. Right now, they look quite plain almost useless. In the height of summer they will be overflowing with flowers and plants that will brighten the wall they are sitting in front of to the point that one will not even be able to see the wooden bench they are sitting on. The truth is that ministry is very humbling and a lot of the time, it feels a lot like these pots look. I am reminded that in these moments of feeling quite empty and ordinary, God is at work, preparing me to be a special vessel, useful to God and His good work in me and through me.

Typically, the period between Thanksgiving and New Years are set aside in my mind to rest, to contemplate and discern God’s next steps in my life. With all that happened this past season, going to and fro with various appointments, plus commitments, I did not have that quiet experience I look forward to every year. It has been anything but that. At one point, as I was waiting in a doctor’s office for a follow-up from my own wellness check up, I had a longing for recovery. Not just physical, but recovery in every area of my life. When I go to physical therapy, I see others with far more debilitating conditions working on their recovery, one small step at a time. I am thankful for my own condition not being as debilitating and I remind myself that I too have to take things one small step at a time to recover my strength and mobility. I look around at nature in the depths of the winter season and I realize, that creation is in recovery mode also, waiting for the next season of growth. I am realizing that my recovery will come but it requires a period of waiting. In that waiting period, I am being strengthened for my next season of growth and suddenly I can see clearly why I have been placed in so many waiting situations. God is teaching me the valuable lesson of waiting on Him!

“And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.” 1 Kings 19:11-12 (KJV)

“While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. Then she gave birth to her firstborn son, and she wrapped him tightly in cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.” Luke 2:6-7 (CSB)

I typically get my house decorated for Christmas about three weeks ahead of time. I enjoy hearing Christmas music, but not too much. I always hope for snow, but in SC that is not a reasonable wish. I definitely do not like it to be near 80 degrees either. It is not uncommon for me to be wrapping presents and putting the finishing touches on holiday baking up into the evening on Christmas Eve. But this year has been different. I had the house dressed and ready before December 1, but I had an insatiable urge to mix things up, try new things. All the gifts are wrapped and under the tree before Christmas Eve. The only things to bake are those items that are best baked fresh. I have been playing Christmas playlists all month long and even as I compose this posting, I have been tuned into a Christmas jazz channel that is playing a mix of old and new and some songs I never heard before. It is also one of the coldest days on record for a large majority of the nation. And unlike the usual hub-bub rush I usually feel, there is a calm peace and opportunity for me to do some personal review and inventory. This, despite it having been a crazy month of health issues for my husband and me, a host of obligations and all the usual busy-ness of the holiday season, lets me know that not only is this no ordinary night, it is also no ordinary Christmas. I don’t know why nor do I have any expectations, I just feel something different is happening.

Imagine that first Christmas Eve night if you will. Mary, made the trip to Bethlehem out of obligation while far along in her pregnancy. Imagine the anxiety that may have been building up when it became apparent that the usual arrangements that would have been made in her day all fell through while the birth pains were beginning to rack her body. Any place was better than the wide open space and the protection of a stable cave was better than nothing. Imagine the fear of the shepherds who were having an ordinary night in the pasture when it was suddenly lit up by a choir of angels singing and directing them to go to Bethlehem and see the savior that was born. Now consider this, Jesus came into this world like any other ordinary baby but this was no ordinary baby. This was God made flesh, the Lord, the King of Kings and while He was born on an ordinary night, this was no ordinary night.

Later in Luke 2, it is said that “Mary was treasuring up all these things in her heart and meditating on them.”(v.19). What this tells me is that Mary was taking some time to consider the events, piecing together all the little things that at the time seemed quite ordinary but somehow extraordinary. You know, those times when we step back from the situations we are in and consider how the signs were all there, but in the moment, things that transpired were a little out of the ordinary but not so much that we would make special note of them until after the fact. In that moment we realize and Mary realized that it was no ordinary night and this was not an ordinary baby. Indeed, this was the night that salvation came to the world!

I am not sure what or why it is, but I trust that I will know at the right time why this holiday season has been a little bit different for me . I am choosing this Christmas Eve to do as Mary, ponder and meditate on these things and enjoy the wonder, beauty and awe of yet another season.

This has been a long time in the works, but now it’s a reality. For years, I lived in a “shadowy” place of self-doubt and low self-esteem. There came a day when, enough was enough and I began the journey towards my purpose and destiny. This book takes you on the journey with me and encourages the reader to find their own path from the “shadows” to the “light” by self-identifying what I call defining moments that shape the way one thinks about self. With suggested practice of spiritual, physical and mental disciplines, I encourage the reader to begin shaping their own journey of discovering and moving towards their purpose and destiny in life. I believe this book was guided by God’s hand and will encourage the young and old, male and female, believer and non-believer alike.

It is available at all major book seller sites both as an e-book or a hard copy. Below is the link from the publishing house that put thoughts and dreams into a tangible product.

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/living-in-the-shadow-of-myself

Anyone who knows me or follows me on social media understands that my rose bushes are more than just flowers to care for. They will appear in my photos, feeds and even here in this blog from time to time as a talking point or a source of inspiration. I look forward to their first blooms in the Spring and I will continuously cut blooms for indoor display. It is not a large bed of roses but each one has been carefully selected for its color and it’s growing patterns. Invariably, there comes a time each year, usually in the heat of summer, when the growth has become sort of random and straggly so I have to pull out the dreaded pruning shears and trim them way back. As I clip each branch, I am looking for the optimal place that not only takes away the tangle of stray branches but will also encourage growth in the right directions. I tell myself (and the roses) that it’s really for their good. Honestly, when I am finished, I wonder if I have overdone it. I have to wait a couple of weeks to see the branches to begin to bud and rebound. Until then, they look nearly dead.

John 15 and the “I am the vine” passage is one of my favorites. It reminds me of my true position with God. When I read it, I think about my rose bushes (and when I prune, I think about the text). It is such an inspiring text for us as Christians as it reminds us that God treats us like his precious garden, watching over our spiritual growth in such a way that we can flourish and grow. I have heard sermons and Bible teachings on this text that are meant to inspire us to stay connected to God, and those points are valid. However, I think we often overlook the really hard part of the text which is verse two.

God as the master gardener examines his plants (us) carefully. When He sees that some area in our life is not producing fruit (not bearing the fruit of the Spirit or causing the Gospel to spread) he takes that area of our life away from us. Not only that, He casts it away to be burned (v. 6). I am actually okay with that thought. I really don’t want anything to get between my connection with God and me. But it’s the other part of verse two that is perhaps most challenging. When God sees an area in our life or sees us producing fruit (really flourishing in our spiritual growth), he prunes so that we can be even more productive. It almost seems counter-intuitive. Just when we think all is going well, God will pull out those pruning shears and start looking for the places in us that need to be trimmed back. Sometimes its a minor pruning but many times it will feel like a major pruning job. Like those rose bushes, we may feel pretty naked and dead when God finishes His pruning job, but if we give it time, we will find that we will be even more full and flourishing than before.

The key to this remains in the balance of the paragraph, verses three through eight. At the point of our pruning, it is so important that we stay connected to God through prayer, studying His word, worship and fellowship instead of retreating into a personal pity party. Pruning comes in many forms; sickness, financial instability, grief, adverse conditions are just a few. If we honestly examine those points in our life where these things invaded our lives before, we will often recognize that it was there that we looked to Jesus more frequently, where we relied on prayer and God’s words to see us through and in retrospect we see we grew the most spiritually in those moments. As we came out of those times, we were full of praises and testimonies and we were able to tell others about our experiences and how God brought us through. But over time, as we move farther into places of prosperity, good times and wellness, sometimes our testimony is not as viable. We love God, we are working and doing a lot for Him. God sees this and recognizes that He can make us even better. Lo and behold, it becomes another pruning season.

If we can learn to be prayerful, thankful and praise God in our pruning season, I believe we will see our new growth a whole lot quicker. It is the added fertilizer we need to produce even more than we did before. After all, the whole of our existence is to give God the praise and glory and nothing seems to exemplify that more for me than a beautiful rose garden that is full of fragrant and colorful blooms.

It was a beautiful Spring morning at a mountain retreat. There we were a group of preachers and spouses, worshipping in a quaint stone chapel. The stained glass windows were open to let in the morning air and the sound of birds harmonizing with our own worship music. A man wandered in and took a seat. One could feel the hesitancy of his presence for reasons that stem from too many church shootings, but we continued in our worship. As time progressed, it became clear that the man was of no threat but was in need of spiritual healing and wholeness. He joined in with the hand-clapping, he raised his fist in agreement to the preached word and when I looked again, he was wiping away tears. He spoke with those seated around him and after awhile a group of us went with him outside the chapel for a few minutes to pray with him and to lead him in a prayer of faith. He confessed Jesus and accepted Him as his Lord and Savior. We talked with him some more and he explained that he came to the lake to go fishing, heard the music and was drawn in to our worship service. The irony struck us as preachers but it was clear he didn’t know, so later in the service, I read to him the text where Jesus called Peter to become a fisher of men (Matt. 4:18-22). It was then he began to understand that he got fished that morning.

Time progressed through the service and he was given the opportunity to testify to what had happened and then he came back down the aisle greeting as many as he could before returning to his seat. He came back to me and hugged me and thanked me. I asked him his name and he said, “Mike, but don’t worry, I will see you again.” It puzzled me and I pondered it the remainder of the day. Once my husband and I returned home, we talked about the man and how even we had a moment of hesitancy. My husband wondered if God was testing us as a group to see if we would receive this stranger. I told him that if that was the case, we passed the test because we pushed past any fears and led this man to salvation. I told my husband about the conversation with Mike, and we wondered what it meant, when or how would we see this man again as we lived over five hours from where we encountered him and all we knew was his first name. My husband went about his activities that morning, and I continued with mine, but I could not shake Mike from my mind. Then it hit me! What if Mike is not just Mike.

My mind ran immediately to the angel in the Bible, Michael. A mighty, powerful archangel whose presence is mentioned in the book of Daniel, Jude and Revelation. In Daniel, Michael came to the defense of another angel embattled with the devil and later is described as the defender of people (Dan.10:12; 12:1). In Jude 9, he is described as an angel that disputed with the devil for Moses’ body and then in Revelation 12:7 he is described as the leader of a band of angels that waged war with Satan and his angels and caused them to be cast out of heaven. Throughout the Bible, we are presented with angels who make their appearances known to humanity in the form of men always as messengers from God. Then I remembered the verse above, Hebrews 13:2.

If God was testing a group of preachers, then we certainly passed the test. And if God was sending a messenger to me specifically, the message was clear, he will see me again. I take that to mean, one day in the heavenly realm, I will see “Mike” again. I went to the retreat seeking assurance from God that I am on the right path regarding so many things, but also to receive a fresh touch, a fresh anointing from God as well. I believe I received all I was seeking at the retreat. Whether “Mike” is just Mike or if “Mike” was an angel unawares, is left up in the air for me to wonder about. The greater gain was just having the encounter with “Mike” and the assurance of knowing that God cared enough to give me all I needed in the moment.

(Disclaimer: the above mentioned hesitancy is in direct correlation to the Emanuel 9 tragedy in Charleston SC, where 9 members of our denomination were murdered, some of whom were also in the ministry and were friends of some in attendance at the retreat.)